Sometimes crossing over to the other side can be revealing.
Before I get on my soapbox, I want to make one thing abundantly clear. I believe most youth sports parents, high school or younger, are good people and demonstrate good examples on how to behave the right way. Unfortunately in the world of sensationalism, the bad outshines the good even if it is only 1 out of every 10. After all, we live in a world where click-bait journalism sells. I’m not suggesting it is right but it is reality.
Having spent 18 years as a sports reporter before changing careers slightly less than three years ago, I saw many behaviors among sports parents: Good, bad, indifferent and those who couldn’t find the field with a GPS. The good folks don’t draw attention. They are there for their kids, they watch the game, maybe have postgame meal at Black Bear Diner and they go home. The bad ones (aka the Jabronis) unfortunately stand out because their voices are heard. They may have semi-salient points but their delivery takes an off-ramp or seven. You don’t wish ill on them per se but you hope someone creatively annoys the hell out of them.
My wonderful wife and I have three children (Juliette, 11 in March 2018; Tommy and Danielle, 9 as of October 2017). Two (Tommy and Danielle) have shown an interest in athletics. As for Juliette, we are working on her but she has expressed interest in golf. Tommy and Danielle to this point have competed in soccer as well as track & field. The latter has expressed interest in basketball.
By no means am I saying I am the perfect sports parent but I apply a few rules of thumb. For openers, I’ll concede that high school is likely the farthest they will go athletically. There are all kinds of statistics but according to scholarshipstats.com, 1 of 14 high school seniors will play a varsity sport in college and 1 of 54 will do so at the NCAA Div. I level. Who knows, I might be pleasantly surprised and have a kid that plays a college sport but I can also tell you I’m a psychologist in Romania. Would you believe me?
To this point, I have had nothing but praise for the coaches my kids have had. They have been the perfect mix of positive reinforcement along with teaching the sport’s fundamentals. Win or lose, all they ask for on gameday is maximum effort. I don’t expect my kids’ coach to be Nick Saban, Bill Bellichick or Gregg Popovich but I don’t want a youth coach that just yells, “compete!”
Soccer and track have been the two sports my kids have been most actively involved to date. The latter, I have passing knowledge. I am aware that on offense it is similar to basketball from a passing standpoint in that a pass is harder to stop than a dribble. Also, good passes lead to good shots. Passing is also about spacing the field. On defense, there is a football analogy. Goalkeepers are like safeties in that they are the last line of defense. The back line players are a mixture of linebackers and defensive linemen. Their job is to create difficult shots to help the goalkeeper.
I played soccer for three years but didn’t like it enough to continue. However, I made a pact with myself as a sports parent, I will not let my bias against a sport deter from my kid’s desire to play it.
My soccer moments as a parent from the sideline include, “C’mon follow it up, kid!” “C’mon, back line, no clean looks!” “C’mon, back line, be a wall, fellas!” One game, Tommy scored a goal. One of his teammates shot the ball, the goalkeeper did not entirely secure the save. Tommy kept after it and found the back of the net. I consider that the offensive rebound/putback of soccer. So I’m pumping my fist, “Attay boy, way to stay after, kid! Boom!”
Having running track, however, I could be of some value if I coached. I was lucky enough to have the great Frank Defilippis, who coached for over 45 years in the Napa Valley. He was simply known as “Mr. D” or “Coach.” He spoke his own language. If he didn’t know your name, you were “whachacallit.” When you were running, Coach D, would yell “pump those arms!” Instead it would sound like a bark and all one word: “pumpthosearms!” At one of Danielle’s meets, I’m taking pictures. In the process, I’m yelling, “pumpthosearmshoneyletsgo!” There were a few sports parents looking at me laughing out of their mind.
I can’t promise what direction my kids will go athletically but I have made no bones that I want involvement in sports. While other activities like drama, music, student council, etc. are enriching, I believe sports mirrors life more so than any other endeavor. My message to our kids is: “In sports, you have days of victory and defeat. In life, you have good and bad days. If you have a bad day, you turn the page. If you have a good day, you celebrate success but stay grounded.”
I also believe team and individual sports have good value for different reasons. With team sports, you learn sacrifice such as putting the needs of others ahead of yours. That aspect comes in handy as a professional in the workplace. It can also be beneficial as a spouse or parent.
With individual sports, kids don’t learn the element of sacrifice. However, there is not the political undertone that can exist in team sports. In team sports, sometimes you get someone become the starter because he or she is the coach’s youngster or the parent is a pain in the butt. In some cases, said athlete is the best option but in other scenarios, there are better options.
The best part of individual sports, however, is that there are no grey areas or politics. In an 100 yard dash, 100 yard breast stroke or a wrestling meet, it’s me and you. Either I beat you or you beat me let’s do it.
I’m just happy to preach the same messages as a parent as I did as a reporter.
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