Examining differences between anger and competitive, stoic and not caring

There are many sports axioms that people assume are assets on
the surface but when you examine them on a deeper level, they
are liabilities.

Having been involved in competitive sports for most of the 46 years
I have been alive, either as an athlete, reporter, fan or parent, I am
amazed at how much people assume that all emotions are like
branches from the same tree.

To give you context, those who are outwardly demonstrative are
viewed by some as everything from “competitive,” to “win at all
costs,” to “lacking perspective.” Those who are not outwardly
demonstrative are viewed as being aloof or indifferent. You would
think there is no in between. Take coaches like Tom Landry, Tom
Osborne or Tony Dungy to name a few. With their sideline stoicism,
you couldn’t tell if their team was ahead or behind by 40 points.
However, those coaches were every bit as competitive and wanted
to win just as much as their opposites like Mike Ditka or Jon Gruden.

Then you take a coach or player who regularly evokes anger, that
quality is somehow viewed as competitive. What people fail to
realize, however, is that there is a difference being competitive
and angry. The former exudes a good balance between wanting
to win, hating to lose and having self-control. The latter lacks the
ability to make the distinction and in the process interprets being
angry as “It’s better to care too much than not at all.” Granted,
angry people may outwardly demonstrate that they care more
than those who are aloof but that doesn’t mean they deserve a
free pass either. Those people can cost you wins on the field just
the same as those who are do not care. They just take a different
route to screwing up team chemistry.

I’m the first one to rail against those who want to get rid of
scoreboards at Little League games. I believe we should preach
to youngsters that there is a scoreboard in life and let’s not run
from it. Granted, having fun should be part of the equation as
well but point being, I’m anti-participation trophies. You earn
trophies at practice, you pick them up after winning on the field.

The difference between being angry and competitive should lie
in a couple of examples. There are many but I’ll limit it to a few
in the interest of space. NFL wide receiver Odell Beckham Jr.
and college football coach Bo Pelini. Beckham is considered
in a very select group of receivers along with Antonio Brown,
who was traded from the Pittsburgh Steelers to the Oakland
Raiders, and Atlanta’s Julio Jones. Like Brown, Beckham was
traded this offseason in large part because his former team,
the New York Giants, deemed that the baggage outweighed
the passenger, Beckham was traded to the Cleveland Browns.

Beckham makes spectacular catches and puts up tremendous
numbers but has been equally known for conduct on and off the
field that demonstrates lack of self control. Giants general
manager Dave Gettleman recently referred to Beckham as a
cancer. Beckham later went on a twitter rant saying words to
the effect of, “I am a cancer to a place that’s OK with losing.”
The Giants and Gettleman might be a lot of things but OK with
losing? I don’t think so. NFL franchises that win four Super
Bowls are not OK with losing.

I use Pelini as an example because I am a University of Nebraska
alum and fan. Pelini coached the Huskers from 2008-2014,
compiling a 67-27 record. While Pelini’s winning clip was good
but not great, he is remembered more for his low points than
high points. The examples include embarrassing losses at
defining moments and emotional outbursts that crossed the
line with referees and media. Pelini, who was fired after 2014, is
now coaching at Youngstown State.

Those who espouse people like Beckham and Pelini would say,
“Look at them! They are so competitive! They hate to lose!”

Don’t misconstrue lack of self control with competitiveness. We’ve
all been around teammates like this. They’ll pound their chest
and bellow, “I just want to win, man!” Well, so does everybody
but being angry is not being competitive. In fact, in a roundabout
way, it is being selfish.

I also question player’s (or coach’s for that matter) motivation
behind getting angry. For example, take a wide receiver or running
back. Are you mad because you are not getting touches or are
you mad because your team are losing?

The difference between competitive people and angry people is
that the former knows that there is a time to get angry and a time
to be part of the solution. For the most part, solutions are not based
on anger. In fact, getting angry usually results in mistakes. That
aspect is true in any walk of life, both personally and professionally.

Granted, we are humans not robots and it’s OK to have moments
of frustration. Having such moments is part of reality, especially in
emotion based sports.

In football, the best advice is “play with intelligence and hit with
anger.”

I am all for competitiveness but don’t sell that anger is the same
as competitiveness. Equally, don’t misconstrue lack of emotion
with not caring.